I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
