i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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