If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
