Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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