I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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