I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
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