He disabled his match.com account in front of me
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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