A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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