I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
