when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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