Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Randomize
