Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
