In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
