Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
