well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
