i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
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