I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
