her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
