I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
