I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
