Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
