dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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