If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
