Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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