Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
