Me. At least after what I've been through.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
