Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
