I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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