His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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