I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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