I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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