Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
