do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
