I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
