Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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