Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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