so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
