I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
