You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
