I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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