I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
