PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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