Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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