Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Randomize
