maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
