Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(248): View more from Michigan

i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook

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(612): View more from Minnesota

I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles

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(716): View more from New York

i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.

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(432): View more from Texas

Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.

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(941): View more from Florida

i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.

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(541): View more from Oregon

Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.

(503): View more from Oregon

Score one for dad.

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(818): View more from California

im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds

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