I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
