it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
