a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
