literally had 100 drinks last night.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
